– [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers, and welcome back to another video. Your love and support has
enabled us to send your way another wealth of everyday psychology, and we're really grateful for that. So, let's explore. Have you ever felt invalidated
by the people around you? Did you know that there are subtle phrases that seem innocent enough
but can actually be damaging to yourself and those around you? This is also known as
psychological invalidation. "What exactly is psychological
invalidation?" you may ask. Well, psychological invalidation is when you invalidate
someone psychologically, whether intentional or not. You essentially minimize
another person's thoughts and perceptions about an experience, telling them that they
shouldn't feel a certain way or that their judgment is wrong. It's surprisingly common to
the point that you do this without even realizing it, or the person experiencing
this invalidation, they may be unable to trust their own judgment and situations, feel wrong for feeling a certain way and blame themselves for their actions. Before we begin, please note that context is
important in any scenario, and that these things are not
a one-size-fits-all situation.
With that said, to better
explore what this is and how to remedy it, here are nine sayings you should avoid. Number one, "It could be worse." When you tell someone that their situation could be worse, it automatically minimizes
what they're going through. It shows that other people
are in way worse situations, so they shouldn't feel bad
about the situation they're in. This often doesn't help
someone feel better, as it does nothing to help
their current situation. Instead, letting a person know
that their feelings are valid and offering your comfort in times of need is a much better option. Number two, "It wasn't that bad." Did you ever try to placate
someone by using this phrase? This directly implies that
your feelings don't matter, and that your perception is incorrect.
When the circumstances
are specially serious, it can be dangerous. Minimizing a person's experience and telling them that they're wrong can make someone feel insecure and crazy. They don't know if they can
trust their own judgment. Instead of being told their
experience wasn't that bad, talking to them about what it
was and offering assistance can be helpful for them. Number three, "Just let it go." Does this statement bring Olaf to mind? While "Frozen" has an
entire song about it, this saying can be
negative to say to someone.
It doesn't provide any
consolation for the issue at hand and works to further
criticize someone's judgment. It essentially is telling someone that their judgment about
their situation is wrong, and that they shouldn't
focus on it anymore. When applied to dire situations, this saying can be especially hurtful. Saying "Let it go" doesn't provide comfort to
the person that needs support. Instead, finding ways to let them
know their thoughts are valid and providing them with empathy
can help lessen the impact. Number four, "You probably
just didn't understand." Have you ever been left
confused by a situation? When this happens to others, do you blame their understanding for it? Telling someone that they
misunderstood a situation, especially if you weren't
there when it happened, can be insulting. This saying minimizes the
other person's intelligence, and critiques their judgment. It's better to ask questions
about the situation and work out a solution from there. Making assumptions about the situation can be hurtful to another and make them feel that they're incapable of assessing a situation
properly on their own.
Number five, "Stop thinking about it." Easier said than done, right? Telling someone this fails to acknowledge the problem at hand. If only it were that easy to
stop thinking about something. It doesn't offer any comfort or support to what they're dealing
with, which isn't helpful. Instead, asking them why they're caught
up in a certain thought, or what they need to feel better, can help ease their distress. Number six, "We're not
talking about this." When you tell someone this, especially if they come to
you about a specific problem, it doesn't offer any
discussion about a solution. While it's difficult to address issues in a constructive manner, you don't necessarily have to agree with everyone's viewpoint. You should at least let them
be able to make their points, and be able to calmly address them. Number seven, "I told you so." While it very well may
be tempting to say this, it often fails to provide
a supportive environment to someone who needs it. People make mistakes and
have their own failures. It's important to be there
for them in this time of need, instead of reminding
them that they're wrong.
Discussing instead what
it was that happened in a calm, constructive
environment is best. Number eight, "You are too sensitive." How many times have
you used this statement to get someone to stop
overanalyzing a situation? Again, it's like telling
someone their judgment is wrong. It avoids responsibility and puts the blame on them
for handling a situation. Everyone interprets and copes
with situations differently, so, it's important to recognize this, and work with them and their feelings. Talking with someone
through their emotions and why they feel such a way will be beneficial for their wellbeing. Finding ways to empathize
with them in their situation will help them feel
valid in their thoughts. And number nine, "I know
what you're going through." Do you use this to appear
more understanding? Is that your only option
when all else fails? While this may seem like
something you should say to someone who's struggling, it can actually be harmful. Telling someone you know how they feel based on a personal experience takes away from their perspective.
How do you know what they're feeling, especially if the
situation isn't the same? It makes you seem as if
you're just making it up. People internalize situations differently from one to another. It's important, instead, to
ask about how they are feeling. Asking what they're going
through and how you can help them is the way to go. These sayings are surprisingly common. Perhaps you've noticed yourself saying at least one of these
before unintentionally. What's important is to respond
with empathy and compassion when someone is in need. Validating someone's thoughts and feelings can be just as easy as the opposite, and often takes putting
yourself in another's shoes. We hope we were able to give you insight into some of the phrases that
can do more harm than good. What are your thoughts about invalidation? What are some other
sayings we should avoid? Are there other ways to help
people feel more comfortable? Let us know in the comments.
If you found this video helpful, be sure to hit the like
and subscribe button, and share it with someone
who might be wreaking havoc using these phrases. As always, thanks for watching,
and we'll see you soon..